1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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