We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
