you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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