By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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