never play flip cup with pint glasses
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
