Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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