and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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