Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
