We won't sleep together?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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