What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You left your phone here
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