Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
