Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
