Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
