Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
