Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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