Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
did i just pee glitter
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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