I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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