Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Congratulations! We have a period
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
