Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
