Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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