I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
