do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
