he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
