Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize