I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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