this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
