I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
