If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
