Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
