i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
