just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It's just like the Real World with babies
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
