they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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