There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
