No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
im holly from the hills drunk
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
