nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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