Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
