even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
you made out with another girl for some wings
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
