I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
