hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
