I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize