the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
