Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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