ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
