note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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