i was born a porn star she said
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
