How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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