were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
