help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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