Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
