if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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