Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
