I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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