First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
How's work?
Spinning.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
