if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
