I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
