my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
