u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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