I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
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