susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
