I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
someone owes me an orgasm
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
