This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
