Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
