I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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