I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
