bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
