Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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