I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
