My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
