just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
