Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize