Who did Billy Mays play for?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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