Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
