I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
