I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
