What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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