Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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