So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
