After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
