drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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