My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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