Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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