i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
