why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
