um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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