I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
