The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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