how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize