I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
