Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My vagina just recognized that song.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
