Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I puked a lego.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize