i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
