Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
