Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
